“I thought I had more time.”

That’s what my friend Denise Barnhart said to me as we drove to her chemotherapy appointment.  It was the last drive we’d take together.  She was soon transitioned into hospice care and spent the rest of her life in the comfort of her own home.

We met in 2022.  Both fans of live music and “bar Keno,” she was a lot of fun to hang out with.

One day, after not talking for a while (a result of life getting in the way), I reached out to see how she was doing.  The reply text detailed the discovery and progress of cancer in her body.  I kept tabs on her, sending playlists to help with the chemo treatments.  Then I started driving her to and from treatments when my schedule allowed.

It was clear that the treatments were being done to “buy time.”  Though outwardly hopeful, I believe she knew the odds of surviving were slim.

It was such a gift to spend time with her.  There was no “elephant in the room.”  We talked about everything:  living, dying, family issues (hers and mine)… everything. 

I recently heard a story of another friend who lost his life to cancer, who told someone that there are worse things than dying of cancer.  He explained that you could have a heart attack or be hit by a bus and never have time to tell all the people in your life how they mean to you.   

It's an interesting perspective.

Denise passed away on Friday, May 16th.  I found out just as I was about to embark on a training ride in the White Mountains with my PMC team, Forza-G. 

Please remember to prioritize the important things in life.  Not too many eulogies focus on “how clean he kept his home,” or “her laundry was always done.”  Have a beer with a friend, go see live music (even if it a person with a guitar), tell those close to you how you feel about them.  Remember, we all think we have more time, but sometimes we don’t

Every year, there are more reasons why I ride the PMC.  I’ll be thinking of Denise as I train and as I ride in my 17th PMC.

Thanks for reading, and thank you for your support.

Be well, Jay Dobek