2024

Here I am.. year 19.. Riding the panmass challenge from Sturbridge for the first time.. I'm nervous.. it's been a weird training year. Very humid temps... lots of bike issues amongst my girl gang.. one returning from a big knees surgery...one crashed early during training season but guess what... WE ARE HERE FOR IT!!! because .. as always... COMMIT, YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT ????

I'm very late getting my letter out this year... I'm starting with a quickie to get the fundraising ball rolling but will add an addendum after the ride.. I have lots of thoughts to share later..

I'm dedicating this ride to my friend Patti.. who was diagnosed a few months ago with diffuse large B-cell lymphoma.. a cancer I was not previously familiar with. she has been undergoing a grueling chemo protocol across the globe in Hong Kong where she lives away from her extended family. The photos I received of her hairless really affected me. It took me a while to be able to reach out to her.. this is the thing about being a survivor.. there are so many triggers.. for life.

Then there was the day I was on a training ride with a few of my ladies and we stopped for a quick break.. talking about various things that were going on .. the sticky weather.. whose bike was doing what.. when out of nowhere a young man came over and thanked us for riding.. then told us he was living with stage 4 brain cancer and was given only months to live..... over 4 years ago.. the treatment he was receiving was a direct result of funds raised by the PMC. It is extending his life.

So again I will ride.. I will celebrate my life and remember my own cancer journey. I will climb the Sturbridge hills laughing and probably crying at times and will do it with my group of ladies by my side. My money will still go to my Young and Strong Program at Dana Farber and I will warrior through the challenging moments and fully take in the meaningful ones. I will leave feeling better than I did the day before. This I do know.. I know how much this weekend touches my life.

Please cheer me on.. and keep me and all the riders in your hearts as we go into what will be high humidity and oppressive heat for two days across the state of Massachusetts.

Send me notes.. follow my ride on the pmc app and if you are able please donate to me at https://profile.pmc.org/CC0185 (or look me up on www.pmc.org This is a huge year for the PMC because we will hit an unprecended BILLION DOLLAR mark... it's a true honor to be a cog in the wheel on what's truly a spectacular coming together of over 6000 riders from across the country and beyond who have all been some how touched by cancer and will do our collective part to keep pushing the bar forward.

many thanks and much love..

carie

2023

A pretty cool thing happened yesterday when I opened my PMC profile page for the first time to set my fundraising goal this year. There sat one single donation. My first of 2023. It’s from my 25 year-old son, Brennan. Unsolicited. Immediate tears. That same Brennan who was a little 3-year-old boy when I was going through chemo and said to me, “mommy I don’t like your pretend hair” is now a grown adult, making his own money and ON HIS OWN made a donation to my ride. Heavy.. I guess if I needed reminding of why I am STILL RIDING 18 years later, this would be the big one. I have TWO adult children who miraculously have both moved back to Boston this year who were babies when I faced breast cancer two decades ago but some how feels like yesterday. I have been given the gift of being able to watch them grow and now to spend days like Mother’s Day with them. I remember specifically feeling the overwhelm of how lucky I was on that day in May. These days and moments never go unnoticed for me…and I do mean NEVER.

In one week I will ride my 18th PanMass Challenge from Wellesley to Ptown. I’ve been doing all the things to get ready – both physically and mentally. Lots of riding through a lot of heat and humidity and I’m happy to say I feel strong. My girl squad keeps me moving…faster than I’d like most of the time! We learned last year that apparently there are not many (or any?) all girl teams. And certainly none that have cooler team jersey’s than us:) I’ve some how managed to overcome the challenges of living in the city as a cyclist (read: nowhere to keep my bike…driving an extra 25 min early mornings) and adopted new routines to get myself out to the suburbs to train (maybe a parking ticket here and there:( These ladies are no nonsense, no ego, all powerful and collectively fully equipped in everything from changing tires, to navigating detailed routes to troubleshooting the technology of Wahoos, Garmins, Strava, apple watches and any other device or app we all rely on. Badassery at it’s finest.

But truly the best part about this group is that we are really each other’s cheerleaders, motivators, and supporters. We lead…and follow and no one gets left behind. EVER. It’s remarkable. So I will once again wear my Launch jersey with pride crossing the finish line in Ptown on Sunday with my ladies.

As I’ve said many times, it’s the mental piece that’s always the most difficult for me. I made a commitment when I started riding in 2006 to honor my cancer each year…to sit in the memory of what I survived…to welcome the emotions…to be reminded of the gifts it brought me… to remember those that I personally have lost…and to try to do something to help others that are going through it. And every year I show up and do just that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m going to muster up the excitement and motivate people to make donations to my ride AGAIN. I’m a bit old news and frankly I need my own motivating to keep coming back year after year. I’ve been wondering how professional athletes do it… come back from off-season and hype themselves and everyone around them up each year? Of course there is a significant financial incentive:) But still…it’s not like I’m trying to win anything…or stand out in any way. I’m simply trying to stay inspirational…relevant… and continue to touch lives. I guess if I use Tom Brady as my role model I just need to “get back to work.”

It’s amazing to me how the body and soul remember. All the year’s later. Like magic, as PMC gets closer I get 100% grounded in why I am doing this. I also get 100% more emotional. I pay closer attention to all the people I love in my life…I connect with others who have touched me at different points in my life…I reach out to my cancer friends…I share personal cancer stories – sometimes with strangers…I sit in silence….I listen to birds and church bells…I see beauty in flowers, the ocean, an older couple dancing…sometimes I cry for no reason. I feel very fragile and vulnerable. Everything matters. The feelings are deep but PMC week is sacred to me and I embrace it all.

If I needed more inspiration to ride again this year I got it this past week in two places. While at my bike shop I casually mentioned I was PMC Living Proof …a long-term breast cancer survivor. What I didn’t know until that moment was that one of the guys I’ve gotten to know lost his fiancé, to breast cancer many years ago…she was 33…coincidentally the same age I was diagnosed. He shared her story with me and I shared mine with him. Immediately I realized that I could have been her and she me. We are the same… except I was given grace… and life. That same day I marched into my favorite cheese shop and got a full update on Mama Cheese herself who has been battling cancer courageously and gracefully for 3 years. She epitomizes love, family and resilience in a way I admire and value greatly. So this year I am riding in memory of you Barbara and in honor and strength for you Carol!

Then I came home and listened again to the PMC podcast I did a few years ago. It brought a few more tears. It’s about what it means to be Living Proof – someone like me who actually benefited from all the money raised by the PMC. If you want to be reminded of what riding the PMC and being a part of the cancer community means to me please take a half hour and listen https://www.pmc.org/about/media/pmc-podcast . (scroll down or search for PMC Living Proof)

So, now I am ready on all fronts. Bike is in check…physically ready ...mentally prepared… armed with inspiration. The part that is left is earning my keep by raising funds. As always, my money goes directly to my Young and Strong Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer at Dana Farber. Please make a donation - any amount - to my ride at… https://profile.pmc.org/CC0185 (or look me up on www.pmc.org but you must spell my name correctly!) Our impressive goal is $70M and every dollar raised goes directly to DFCI.

In endless gratitude and love,

XX, Carie

2022

Aaaaaaaaand we’re back….on the roads for PMC2022. Yipikaye! After 2 years of re-imagined/virtual rides 5000 of us will cross the state of MA on bikes with the intent of raising 66 Million dollars for Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Wow. In just a couple of days I will ride from Wellesley to Ptown for my 17th Ride. Double wow. It’s a lot to take in. I kinda forgot I don’t live in Wellesley anymore, making the morning departure a bit more of a challenge…Also, we’re in the middle of a heat wave which is not letting up. Wow again.

But at the same time my phone has been blowing up all week with cancer friends checking in…people sending well wishes…donations… and of course, the chance run-ins with long time PMC friends and always the new ones who you overhear sharing their PMC experience, excitements and anxiety (for me it happened at the hair salon yesterday because of course GOOD HAIR is important… says the person who said I’d never complain about my hair again after losing it all and waiting years to grow it back…oh well.)

And, just like that through the stresses of the logistical planning, the reality of “the ride” and what it truly means to me hits me hard and becomes almost paralyzing. I always wait to write my letter until I can feel it…REALLY feel it..so today is that day.

I know I’ve said it before…change does not come easy to me. I like to know what to expect…I’m big on traditions…same ole . There have been a lot of PMC rides…teammates…family cheering on the sidelines… routines…laughs …logistics…tattoos…jerseys….connections with fellow cancer survivors…tears… Living Proof moments…that time in 2010 when I was a keynote speaker at the Sturbridge start (one of my favorite memories) …and 2014, the year of the deluge…the same year that my son – who was 3 years old when I was diagnosed - rode next to me and got me to the finish line when all I wanted to do was jump off my bike and never see it again. There have been tailwinds and headwinds riding up Rt 6 into Ptown…strangers offering to pull when you feel like you can’t pedal one more second and some that need a little push themselves. This year will bring it’s own moments and memories but it’s feeling a little different.

For starters, I broke down and got an e-bike. Yup, I had to put my ego aside (very hard) and recognize that after an ankle injury, continued lung capacity issues (thank you long-term side effects of radiation) and less training rides for me while my girl crew has cranked it up, meant if I wanted to ride at their speed I needed a little extra boost. Figuring that out (and training on two different bikes) has taken a minute. For the record – it’s still riding.. but at least now I can breathe. A definite bonus.

Another biggie is that this will be the very first year I will not be wearing a “Carie’s Crew” jersey into Ptown on Sunday. I’m short of breath just writing it. 100% of my money raised will still be going to my beloved Young and Strong Program at Dana Farber that I helped build eons ago that is solely focused on young women dealing with breast cancer – because I was one…long ago. My commitment will always be there as I am beyond grateful to be in my 21st year of survivorship. For many, many years I was surrounded by family and friends who rode alongside me to the finish line and graciously directed their funds to my program. Sometimes things change.. people stop riding…relationships take a detour…philanthropy goals shift. While my original “crew” is here, there and everywhere and ALWAYS with me, it has expanded in different ways.

This year I will wear a “Launch” jersey on Sunday with my BG’s – the goddesses who get me on my bike at hours I’m not even awake… who encourage me to keep riding and who welcome and embrace me at whatever level I am at. They are my true blue, zero drama, undyingly supportive “cycling squad.” And I will proudly cross the finish line with them – and frankly I want the photos to look good so we should all match:) But for real – they have helped launch me into this phase of my life and I am committed to celebrating them and us by wearing that on my jersey.

And now the part that makes me cry…all week. I can’t even go through all of the people who I’ve watched die…the young mom’s…the fearless warriors…my friends. And, those battling still….my lifelong friend Lisa’s son who just endured his second bone marrow transplant at the age of 15 earlier this week. I just can’t. I will stop there. It’s too much.

So, yes it’s going to be F’n hot…and no I’m not in the best shape of my life but all that really matters is I AM ALIVE ….AND HERE…and as the PMC motto goes, I’ve committed and I will figure it out. Period.

So I may not have my sister at my side…or my kids on the sidelines…but I will have the entire PMC family surrounding me and ready for me to call on them at any moment I may need an extra boost to get to the finish line. We will also have our sweet pedal partner Abigail waiting for us at the Lakeville stop. Abigail was diagnosed with stage 4 Neuroblastoma at 11 mos old and is now 3 ½ years old with a previous year of clear scans. She is our shining star this year.

My life is still the best gift I’ve ever been given and I will honor it to the highest degree come Hell, heat or humidity. I will laugh and cry…bitch, moan and celebrate. I will rise as I do. This year I got to watch my Sari graduate college…another moment I wasn’t sure I’d get to…so if I start feeling like I want to quit, I will remember the joy of that day…and how so very grateful and lucky I have been to be here to watch my kids grow into incredible adults. The universe has been very good to me.

If you can, PLEASE make a donation - any amount - to my ride at… https://profile.pmc.org/CC0185 (or look me up on www.pmc.org) As the years go on, our minimums go up which makes sense given the gigantic number we plan to raise. I have a responsibility to meet my own goal and every dollar goes directly to DFCI. I can also say that the Young and Strong, Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer still relies mostly on individual donations to operate.

Thank you with my whole heart for your continued or new support. I am forever grateful.

XX,

Carie

2021

Today I got on my bike for the first time in months. It was only a few miles but it felt amazing. I felt strong….resilient…empowered... ALIVE. I actually cried.

Exactly 2 months ago, I had ankle surgery, following a fall, and have been in recovery mode ever since. It was strangely (or not) just shy of my 20-year cancerversary. I was super excited to ride my first century, and 16th consecutive PMC in honor of my LIFE and this significant moment in time.

But instead I took a detour. It was not the first time.

Being someone who literally NEVER sits down, I some how immediately surrendered to my injury. I welcomed support. I followed doctor’s orders – and did NOT put any weight on it for two weeks – followed by almost 4 more in a boot. I allowed my friends and family to surround me with care and assistance. I asked for help. There was a strange familiarity in the feeling of being in a cocoon. A place I had been 20 years ago – almost exactly. I hobbled around in my boot…pushed it at PT and never lost my spirit.. I had a lot of time to reflect. In weird ways it brought me back to my cancer experience 20 years ago. I applied a lot of what I had learned then – thankfully on a much smaller and more predictable scale. But the point of it all is not lost on me.

Life and our health is a gift.

Two and a half weeks post surgery I got on a plane headed to Chicago and watched my son’s honorary 2020 Graduation ceremony. Trust me when I tell you there was no surgeon telling me I wasn’t going to THAT - another milestone I often wondered if I would ever reach. Once again, my sister showed up and got on that plane with me to help get me there. The same sister who moved in waaaaaay long ago to help take care of my babies while I got chemo followed by radiation. The parallels are uncanny. In a million degree heat, as many were taking breaks or leaving early, I did not move. I had a lot of words of gratitude I shared with the universe and Gods above for getting me to that moment.

Over the years the PMC has given me a way to honor my cancer. A weekend of laughs and tears…moments…connections…challenges…achievements...friends, new and old…wins.. and reminders of the losses. It has also given me an extended family. I am so sad not to be able to ride 165 miles across Massachusetts with Carie’s Crew this year and my beloved BG’s. I planned for a big 20-year celebration.

But sometimes things don’t go quite as planned. Sometimes we are taken off of our life path. I am a lucky one. No one knows that better than me. My cancer journey was only a detour. In some ways it made me a better person. I have found many, many gifts in the past 20 years that I might not have otherwise known or paid attention to. I have been here to see my children into their twenties. I have new goals.

A couple of months ago I was put in touch with the family of a 19-year old girl who was diagnosed with breast cancer. Yes 19. I also connected with my young friend Sandi who is living with metastatic breast cancer and recently had to go on a new treatment protocol because the other stopped working. I am dedicating my virtual ride this year to both of these young women and directing all of my good fortune to them in hopes they will be as lucky as I have been.

I also recently had a chance and magical encounter with” Jack” – the little boy who used to hold the sign up at Nickerson rest stop many years ago that said “I’m here because of you.” Each year I anxiously looked to see if Jack was still going to be holding up that sign as I entered the Brewster stop. I’m happy to report that Jack (while also not riding this year) is grown and thriving as well– right around his own 20-year cancerversary. Thank you universe for connecting me to Jack again and reminding me Why I Ride - of the good stories – when sometimes it’s not easy to let go of the sad losses that many of us have had.

These are all of the stories that keep me doing what I do – riding the PMC and raising money for Dana Farber. While I might be on the injured reserve this year, my current focus is to raise as much money as possible. This year’s PMC goal is $52M. It’s always a big number but some how I think we can do it.

So, in honor of my 20th year of living and thriving past breast cancer I ask that you PLEASE make a donation to my PMC ride ) whether it’s on the bike or on the ride of my cancer journey at…https://profile.pmc.org/CC0185 (or look me up on pmc.org) All of my money raised is still going to Young and Strong, the Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer that I’ve helped build over these years and is now the most established program of it’s nature in the country. I’m thrilled to say, our team, Carie’s Crew, has raised over 1 Million dollars to date! That said, as current grant money is coming to an end, the need the program has for funding at this particular time is real.

As always, every dollar matters and every single one goes directly to Dana Farber. I am deeply honored and filled with love and gratitude for any and all of your support.

XX, Carie

2020

Like most things in our life right now, this year’s PanMass Challenge will not be the same…we will not be riding together with 6000 other riders across the state of Massachusetts on the first weekend in August. This was to be my 15th ride.

When I learned the official in-person 165 mile Wellesley to Ptown (my route) wasn’t happening, my first instinct was relief. Not gonna lie. There were a lot of other things going on that frankly seemed to me to be WAY more important. Not to mention, not having to spend my entire summer training felt a little exhilarating (although I soon realized there wasn’t much else to do!) We were introduced to the concept of #PMCReimagined. Ya, OK, I’ll imagine riding my bike from my beach chair. LOL. I said to my 19-year-cancer- survivor-self, “cancer needs to take a back seat right now.”

Then I attended a few Dana Farber zoom meetings and webinars…I got the inside scoop on what was happening inside the institute. In the flip of a switch, the already heroic medical team and staff had now reached herculean level. They were taking care of patients in extreme conditions – and it appeared quite seamlessly. These same patients were not allowed to have a single support person with them during visits, treatments or procedures. These patients had to literally do it alone. I can not fathom. I coached a few women going through treatment and per usual, their strength and determination was remarkable…even more so in this very stressful environment. I remembered when I was going through my own chemotherapy and 9/11 happened…and the fear I had that the world was coming to an end…and how I quickly put my own situation into perspective.

Next my cycling group got the green light to start riding together in small groups. It was one of the only things we could actually do! I had to dust off the bike and shoes. I will admit, it did take me a while to buy a new helmet to replace the one that mysteriously cracked during PMC 2019. Did I fall on my head and some how miss it? But I digress…

I still wasn’t convinced I was actually going to do an official ride. But then I was introduced to Jen. First time PMC rider…breast cancer survivor. Committed and determined to ride her first PMC in a big way. Training her butt off BY HERSELF and looking for a little support in dealing with the effects her treatments have had on her athletic performance...indeed I know all too well about the shortness of breath, the increased heartrate.and how the hills seem to be sooooooooo much harder than they should be. But I keep riding…because I can. And so will Jen. I will take her under my wing for the virtual Living Proof ceremony on the official PMC weekend, which I am sure will not disappoint.

So, yes, I have fully embraced PMC Reimagined. I will do everything I can to make it real. I will ride,. I will carry the torch and honor my own cancer. And, I will raise as much money as I can to help support the more than 50% of the Jimmy Fund that relies on PMC funding each year. Cancer doesn’t give two shits about covid or any other distraction or pandemic. It’s singly focused on what it’s doing regardless of what’s going on in the world around it.

This past week I rode with my biking goddesses to the Ptown finish. There are 3 cancer survivors in our group of 8. It was our version of PMC Day 2. The mileage was much less in comparison, but there was a steady headwind. Ocean Drive in Wellfleet was tough – probably the hardest I ever recall riding it. Rte 6 going into Ptown was scary. There is no shoulder and the lane was not closed off to traffic as it is during the actual PMC. I mostly rode behind my group. But I made it…because I’m committed …and I don’t quit.

And I also won’t quit trying to raise funds. Those of us who are able, must pull the line. It’s a very hard ask this year. Uncomfortable. People are struggling. But I must…. Give what you can…every dollar matters…this year probably more than ever. Please donate what you can online on my profile page at https://profile.pmc.org/CC0185

The PMC staff went to great efforts to send all of the riders an impressive box filled with everything we usually pick up at registration. Usually the time we all start getting excited. Inside the box reads this…

“In 1980 36 riders went off with a simple map. They all got lost but found their way to Provincetown. This year you’ll make your own route but will ride as one with the PMC community. We will all find our way together”

Whether we are a big group or a group of a few…we have the same mission…

I thank you in advance for your support.

Carie

2019

This weekend, I will again ride the PanMass Challenge… 165 miles from Wellesley to Ptown. It’s the 40th ride - my 14th - and the goal is now up to 60 MILLION dollars. Holy smokes. Some might think it gets easier each year, but I beg to differ. I’m getting older. There are many things competing for my time. This has been a particularly tough year for me. I’m going through a major life transition. Major. Training took a back seat for me this season. I pushed through the best I could. Some might think it loses its appeal year after year. Trust me it does not. And some might think there’s been enough money put into cancer research and it’s time to move on to something else. Sadly, too many people are still dying. I won’t list the names of people I personally know who have died during this past year alone, and those that are really struggling right now. Not to mention the ones who have been diagnosed. It’s staggering.

Trust me when I tell you, it doesn’t matter at all how many years away from a cancer experience you get the smallest thing can bring you right back to it. The fear is always hiding – sometimes better than other times – waiting for the trigger to launch you right back to the place of wondering when it will show up again..when your life will take a turn. When you won’t be so lucky.

An interesting thing happened to me during a training ride with my biking goddesses a few weeks ago. I was struggling to keep up with them (because of course this is the year they have stepped up their game and are riding at an even faster pace) and found myself alone on Ocean Drive in Wellfleet. I started to feel sorry for myself. I immediately remembered my very first PMC back in 2006 when I found myself all alone somewhere in Eastham and couldn’t believe my team (aka family members) left me…the cancer survivor…whom I thought they were riding for and should be sticking with the entire time (yes, totally self-absorbed on my part) only soon to be swooped up by a brother team who practically carried me to the next rest stop. And, in that moment I understood the PMC family. You get picked up along the way. We are a team regardless of who is riding with who at any given moment. But what happened to me this time was more poignant. I realized in that moment that it is ME who needs to get me to the finish line. ME who has to dig deep and keep pushing through all the storms. ME who survived cancer and can do anything I put my mind to. And while I am appreciative off ALL the people surrounding me with love and support ALWAYS…in the end it will come from within. A perfect metaphor for my life right now.

A second interesting thing happened to me a little over a week ago. I was standing in line at Comcast trying to deal with the aftermath of the Cape tornadoes. It was later than I wanted and it was getting hot outside. I was dreading the training ride I knew I had to do…which I had to do alone (I do not like riding alone). As I was about to leave the store a lovely older woman saw my jersey and asked me if I was riding this year. We engaged in a lovely conversation...my connection to the PMC…her support of the PMC..I learned she was a cancer survivor. She also shared that she lost her sister to cancer. I shared a little bit of my story. When we went to leave I asked her her name so I could keep her with me on my ride this year. I introduced myself. And then, she looked at me with a tear and said…”my sister’s name was Carrie”…I asked her to spell it as I think of Kerry/Keri and Carrie/Carie as two different names. Even though she spelled it with 2 R’s, to me it’s the same name. I do not believe that was a coincidence. I did not have any trouble getting on my bike and doing a great training ride that day.

So I will ride for Carrie. I will also ride for my beloved sister-in-law who dealt with her own cancer diagnosis this year. I will ride for Meghan and Nora…and Carol. I will also ride for everyone else I know and don’t know yet on a cancer journey.

And I will ride for Carie.

So please come along with me…cheer me on, send angels to carry and protect me..and if you’re so inclined, please donate to my ride and help me continue to support other young women with breast cancer at Dana Farber Cancer Institute.You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or if you prefer, send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481.We accept donations until October.

With heartfelt gratitude and love,

Carie with one “R”

2018

This weekend, for the 13th time, I will be riding 165 miles from Wellesley to Ptown in the 39th PanMass Challenge. Tomorrow we set out to raise FIFTY TWO MILLION DOLLARS for Dana Farber while riding in hot, humid temps with a threat of thunderstorms throughout the weekend. That dollar goal is staggering. I will admit, I’m a bit nervous. I do not like riding in the rain. I definitely don’t want to be struck by lightening! (who does? lol) I have a hard time breathing with heavy humidity. And, I still have post-traumatic stress from 2014 when we rode through freezing cold torrential downpours, everyone was hypothermic, and I screamed and cried my way into Bourne. I swore I would never do that again.

And then I remember…I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I can do VERY hard things. I must trust this universe once again to get me through the storm. I am experienced. I’ve had a lot of practice with getting through storms. I need to draw on these skills. I will have an army of support…my riding girls, my sister, Paige, Rob, the PMC family, strangers holding up signs and cheering us on, and over 4000 volunteers filling water bottles, handing us peanut butter and fluff sandwiches (I look forward to these every year!), smiling and encouraging us all the way. I got this! This is the time I must surrender…let go of control…TRUST the process and the let it BE. Most importantly, I must rely on myself…my courage, my strength and my resilience. It has never let me down before.

I am familiar with many of these feels.. the pre-event anxiety…the raw emotion every time I hear a cancer story right now, or how this weekend brings me right back to my own cancer experience and the memories of what I endured…the need to connect with a lot of my cancer friends…the sadness for friends and family losing the battle. I feel it all.

But each year is different – physically and emotionally. For one, I celebrated a significant birthday this year. I’m not quite as young as I was when I started doing this. The physicality is harder. Also, I am about to launch my daughter into her college years, which means I have officially met my number one goal. I got both of my children, who were babies when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, all the way through high school. Yup, I did it. Not for one moment have I lost sight of the significance of this. I am firmly planted in gratitude…for the care I was given at Dana Farber Cancer Institute, for all the people in my life who have shown up for me along the way and mostly… for my life. If I can channel any part of me to help others going through a cancer journey or recovering from a cancer loss, then that is what I’m here to do.

I will get on the damn bike, through heat, humidity, rain and maybe thunder and show them and remind myself, that this is how you RISE…I learned this from Glennon Doyle and must credit her…”you don’t avoid the storm or go around the storm, you go straight into the storm and RISE on the other side.” So this is what I will do.

My friend Erica Kaitz who I loved dearly and lost her life to cancer a few years ago taught me how important it is to both give and receive. She was masterful at both. In an effort to articulate the receiving part, I need all of you to jump on the CARIE-PELOTON in any way you can. Cheer, encourage, support, send prayers, LOVE me up! I need it ALL!. I am a true extrovert, which means I get a lot of my energy through other people. You all help me recharge my batteries, feed my soul, and pedal on. I love to hear from you during PMC weekend. It helps me a lot and reminds me of my big full beautiful life I am so grateful for.

I also really love when you make a donation to my rideJ…so I can keep supporting my beloved Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer at Dana Farber which I know is touching SOOOOOO many lives of younger women dealing with breast cancer.

Additionally, I am dedicating this ride to my Uncle Buddy who died 30 years ago at age 48 just 3 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was my father’s only sibling and had 6 kids, my awesome cousin’s, that my Aunt Donna had to continue raising on her own. That was my first real cancer experience and I will never forget what that was like – how traumatic and life altering for all of us. If I really had guts I’d wear my hair curly this weekend in his honor as he always called me “brillo” because of my unwieldy hair! Haha. Sadly, pancreatic cancer is one that has not had as much significant progress - just this past week my friend Sue, lost her mom to it. I will look to put some of my fundraising dollars towards pancreatic research/clinical trials that are going on and showing some promise. And when it starts raining and my hair curls up, I will think of Uncle Buddy and smile…

I love you all for being a part of my team and world..such profound gratitude for each and every one of you. In the past twelve years, our team, Carie’s Crew has raised over $. We are honing in on the $1M mark. I have a long way to go for my personal goal this year. Please donate what you can – every single dollar and note! matters.

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or if you prefer, send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481. Donations are good until October.

With love and gratitude,

carie

2017

In less than 24 hours I will once again ride 165 miles in the Pan Mass Challenge from Wellesley to Ptown. Our goal this year is $48M. That’s a lot! As most of you I was lucky enough to receive treatment at Dana Farber Cancer Institute as a young mother with breast cancer 16 years ago. My son just finished his first year in college. My daughter graduates high school this upcoming year. I am beyond grateful for the years I have been given.

Each year I take stock of where I am emotionally and physically before the ride. Physically I feel strong – I’ve trained. Emotionally, it’s always hard. There will be tears, memories, thoughts of friends I’ve lost…overwhelming gratitude for the life I’ve been able to live since I was diagnosed. I will find my survivor friends at the Living Proof photo at MMA and we will cry for joy and appreciation and in sadness for those that are missing…even from last year.

What will be weighing on my mind this year is the number of my breast cancer friends who are now living with metastatic disease or have dealt with another separate cancer. I know most people think once someone has reached this stage so many years later, we are in the clear. But with breast cancer in particular, it’s the recurrence that can be most threatening..or throw another curve ball at you when life seems to be going smoothly. In fact, the truth for me is I am one of only 2 of my original group of breast friends who has not had a recurrence or a second cancer. I now live with that.

A few months ago my friend Renee sent me a text to call her. I knew immediately. She was my first mentor…my guardian angel..her cancer was one year ahead of mine...she helped guide me through my journey, telling me what to expect when I sat in the infusion chair…how my urine would be bright red but to not worry it just meant my body was extracting what it didn’t need to kill the cancer cells…17 years later Renee had another breast cancer and now needed a double mastectomy..and if that wasn’t enough, she later found out she needed to go through chemo again…and lost her hair again. The gift is we were brought back together. Her team was reactivated. The cancer is gone and her hair will grow back. The reality is our work is not done.

I know the over $500M the PMC has raised to date has provided funds to keep new treatments coming and new drugs in the pipeline so my friends Carol, Sue, Meghan, Diane, Lauren… all living with metastic disease…are doing so well..and have drug therapy options. These dollars matter to them. They matter to me…just in case…they matter to my cousin’s daughter Bryn who was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 2 years old this past year and had to undergo grueling treatment. The fact is the dollars matter to all of us. Every single one of us is touched by cancer at some point in our lives.

And so, again I ride. It’s the small part I can do. To mobilize the people close to me to support us in the largest athletic fundraising event in the country. Together with over 6,000 riders and 4,000 volunteers, we the PMC family are ready to ride! We will climb, dig deep, endure, show resilience, high-five each other, and do WHATEVER IT TAKES COME HELL OR HIGH WATER OR HIGH TEMPS to get to that finish line. We will survive and shine a light on the power of the universe that will bring us all together in this incredible display of humanity at it’s finest.

Once again, our team, Carie’s Crew will dedicate some of our funds to The Program for Young Women, under Ann Partridge at DFCI – having helped start it, it’s my heart and soul. The program continues to be one of the only one’s of its kind in the country and young women come from all over the country to get their care there. Additionally we will be donating some of our funds to a pediatric brain fund in honor of Bryn and a little boy named Nathan.

I love and appreciate you all for standing by me every year. To date our team has raised over $850K. Wouldn’t it be great to make it a clean Million??!! Please donate what you can – every single dollar matters. Keep sending the notes of encouragement throughout the weekend – it helps me stay focused and keep going!

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or if you prefer, send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481. Donations are good until Oct 1st!

With deep love and gratitude,

carie

2016

It’s go time! I am about to embark on my 11th Pan Mass Challenge, riding 165 miles from Wellesley to Ptown, all in the hopes of raising 46 MILLION dollars for Dana Farber Cancer Institute, a place where I was fortunate enough to receive the cutting edge treatment and care I needed to rid my body of cancer 15 years ago, and keep me here every year since.

As always, I’m anxious…emotional…but mostly excited. Amazing how regardless of how many years I’ve been riding, the angst never lessens. The connections multiply, the PMC family grows bigger, and I think back to the previous year and how many individuals I personally know who have been touched by cancer. It’s still shocking. We’ve been training through the hot and humid summer days. Bikes are tuned up. PMC signs are posted along the route on the Cape. Fellow riders are high-fiving each other, commenting on what previous year jersey we chose to wear that day as a badge of honor. The PMC energy is in the air and we are ready to HIT IT HARD!

Every year I think perhaps this will be the year I “retire.” But, then I remember PMC weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the year! I do not know another time I am surrounded by true humanity... In this increasingly unsettled world we are living in, it seems even more important. There is a reason riders keep coming back year after year and registration sells out faster each year. We are committed. There is a reason we seasoned riders get super excited when our friends decide to ride for the first time. We find joy in sharing the PMC experience with them. We WANT everyone to be a part of it. The PMC family is real…the over 6,000 riders varying in age, background and experience show up time and time again…the over 4,000 volunteers who stand for hours in blazing sun or torrential downpours with a smile on their face, filling water bottles and making sandwiches, would never give up their “spot.” I can honestly say, there is no other event like it.

This year marked my 15-year survival from breast cancer. Fifteen years. Wow. Hard for me to think about really. It’s funny how it can feel like yesterday, all these years later…how I can tear up looking at my son riding next to me who was just a toddler when I was diagnosed…how I can FEEL the fear, pain and sadness when I speak to someone who has been diagnosed. Cancer will always be a part of my life.

The PMC allows me to honor my cancer. It gives me the space to give back…to do what I can to help continue moving the bar forward. I have seen SO MANY advances, especially with breast cancer treatments and outcomes. People often think we should have “won the war with cancer” by now, but what many don’t realize is just how many battles have been won..or just how many people are surviving. “Survivorship” is it’s own thing now…that was not the case back when I was diagnosed. There is belief that we are moving towards a world where certain cancers may not be cured in our lifetime, but instead may be treated like a disease such as diabetes. This is forward movement!

But, of course, we need to keep finding ways to help support the leading docs that work tirelessly to figure all of this out. I believe I am doing my part by raising money through the PMC. Once again, our team, Carie’s Crew will dedicate some of our funds to The Program for Young Women, under Ann Partridge at DFCI. The program continues to be one of the only ones of it’s kind in the country and young women come from all over the globe to get their care there.

I am so very grateful for all of the love and support I have gotten over the years – it’s always amazing to me how many people reach out with notes of encouragement, or make donations during PMC time. It fills me up and keeps me going.

I was honored this year to be asked to participate in a “Why I Ride” promotional project that PMC sponsor, WBZ-TV, put together. You won’t be surprised to see that I said I ride to show people going through cancer that they are strong enough to do this too…and to give them hope because without hope we have nothing. Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MTztYlMMsA&feature=youtu.be

.

So, I ask again….please....if you can, make a donation to me and my team, Carie’s Crew and help us reach our goal. Every dollar matters. It takes a village.

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or if you prefer, send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481. Donations are good until Oct 1st!

With much love,

carie

2015

For me the week of the PMC is exciting and draining. The training is the physical piece, and of course it takes a lot of time and discipline on summer weekends. But it’s really the emotional part that I try to leave enough space for. Taking time to connect with friends who have lived through cancer or are dealing with it now is what fills me up and gives me the focus to ride 165 miles from Wellesley to ptown one more time! What’s amazing to me is how many people I know or who I have met who have been diagnosed in the one year since my last PMC. It makes me sad.

In all honesty, after last year’s “worst weather in PMC history” which left many of us hypothermic and me in a puddle of tears (and a lot of cursing) from start to finish on Day 1, I wasn’t sure I would have it in me to do another. The fact that this year was the fastest selling out rider registration, AND that my teenage son who, even after he was literally BLUE at the finish last year, signed up to ride again, tells you about the core of the PMC. We are tough. We are resilient. We are committed. We are in it for the long haul.

As I prepare for my 10th ride I reflect. It starts with the mere fact that I am now 14 years post my breast cancer diagnosis. THAT is reason enough to keep riding! I also know that survivorship is a lifelong thing so cancer is never too far from my consciousness. I reflect on how the PMC brings my family together. My husband Rob, who has been riding with me since day one, and will do his first Sturbridge start this year; my sister, Paige, who rides along my side with her husband Jesse, who lost his own mother to breast cancer at a young age; my son, Brennan, who was only three years old when I was diagnosed, who will ride his second ride; my mom who will volunteer at registration and who will then act as uber driver for the rest of our kids and dogs so we can ride; and ALL of my Carie’s Crew teammates who I am so grateful for.

I reflect on the success of the Young and Strong Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer that I helped build, where much of the $675,000 dollars Carie’s Crew has raised over the past 9 years have gone. I am blown away by how young women with breast cancer come from all over to see Ann Partridge (who also rides PMC!) and are getting the support they need and thriving after breast cancer. For the first time I am feeling like I have aged out of the program. I am now the “mother hen” the “older role model” that I hope these young women can look to with hope. I ride for them and their future.
For my 10th ride, I thought it would be special to honor someone else dealing with cancer. Olivia is a sweet 19-year-old soon to be college sophomore who is battling a sarcoma and she is our team pedal partner. Her aggressive treatment is taking a toll on her and her family. Her amazing 15-year-old sister Nora http://www2.pmc.org/profile/NB0101 is riding her first PMC. I have gotten to know the Bowie family and my heart breaks for what they are going through. I am hoping to channel strength and endurance to Olivia and Nora along with a little PMC magic to help get them through this terrible time.
While so much progress has been made, Olivia reminds us that there is still so much work to do. The goal this year is huge, 45 MILLION DOLLARS which will bring the total PMC funds to half a billion dollars in 36 years. As always, 100% of every rider-raised dollars go directly to Dana Farber.
I am deeply grateful for all of the support I have gotten over the years, the calls/emails/notes of encouragement…the donations made…the thank you’s from patients. As I did when I was going through treatment years ago, I feel wrapped up in a cocoon of love and support and it keeps me going.
To quote a dear friend, fellow breast cancer survivor, and PMC rider, Love + Resilience = Hope. That is what the PMC is all about. I’ve said it before and I will say it again…without hope we have nothing. For this reason, I look forward to another weekend filled with love, support, strength, endurance, and a little magic all in the name of giving hope to those that need it.

.Please come along with me on my ride and support me any way you can. Every dollar matters. I promise you are touching lives.
You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or if you prefer, send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481. Remember, we have until Oct 1st!

With love and gratitude,
carie



2014

Again I will ride…because I am here…and because I can. One of my PMC rituals is to read through my previous fundraising letters. It gives me a sense of the emotional state I was in each year. I laugh and I get choked up. It brings me comfort, strength and determination to go forward and embark on another 160 miles over 2 days. I’ve read them all and now I am READY!

The truth is, I really didn’t feel like it up until a couple of weeks ago. The training was hanging over my head. I barely had time to get long rides in. I’ve been busy. I was getting a little bored with riding. And, honestly, who has the time??
And then this happened…I had a dream. But it was one of those dreams that you wake up to and for a brief period of time you actually think it’s real. The dream was this…my cancer had come back and it was in my lungs. This was the reason I was having difficulty catching my breath while climbing hills. I was brushing my teeth with tears streaming down my face and the thought running through my head was “how am I going to tell my mother? Maybe I shouldn’t for a while…hmmm, maybe I won’t tell anyone. I really don’t want my breast cancer friends to get spooked.” I kid you not, this strategizing went on for a solid few minutes before I realized it wasn’t real. Then my heart skipped a beat and I REALLY started crying. I immediately needed to get on my bike and RIDE!

This is the roller coaster I speak about when I give survivorship talks. Learning how to ride the emotional ups and downs is not so easy, even 13 years later (which I’ve been freaked out enough about!) So, OF COURSE I will ride my 9th PMC. I have to. To honor my own cancer…to honor my friends whose cancer HAS come back and those…to remember my dear friends I have lost who I miss terribly and to give hope to all of those dealing with cancer now. Without hope we have nothing. That much I know.

The other reason I am excited to ride this year is because my 16-year-old Brennan will ride one day with us. He was three years old when I was diagnosed. It is too overwhelming to think about. My now 6’1” son will ride the PMC with me, WOW! My sister is also back after a 3-year hiatus. I will be reminded of how she stopped everything to come help take care of my babies back then and how she met her husband during that time who lost his own mom to breast cancer when he was a teenager. As always, my husband Rob will keep me balanced and focused. I will have all of my amazing Carie’s Crew teammates by my side.

So a new year will bring a new PMC story - new emotions, new challenges and new memories. The forecast isn’t looking good. I’m nervous. I had a though earlier today about chemotherapy. I remember wishing I could just stick my head in the sand and make it go away…but I couldn’t. And I can’t now. Regardless of the weather conditions, I am committed. Cancer isn’t a choice. Riding the PMC is not a choice for me now either.
Once again, I am asking for your support. 100% of every dollar we raise goes directly to Dana Farber to directly impact patient care and cutting edge research. Because we have all been directly affected by many different kinds of cancers, this year we want the majority of our funds to go where they are needed most. A portion of our funds will go to The Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer.

Knowing we are all asked to support so many causes, I ask you to please consider any donation amount. Every dollar matters. Again my personal goal is $10,000.

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or if you prefer, send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481by October 1st.

With love and gratitude,
carie

2013

I am in the final preparation stage for PMC 2013. As always, the week before is a very tough week for me. I am anxious. I reflect. I have a hard time sleeping. I take time to personally connect with people who inspire me to ride. I start to feel the energy and camaraderie from other PMC riders. I realize this is so much more than the bike.

A month ago I celebrated my 12th year since being diagnosed with breast cancer. I've been thinking a lot about what that was like. I remember the infusions. I remember losing my hair and then waiting and waiting for it to grow back. I remember going to radiation day after day after day. These are things we cancer survivors try to forget, but some days you go right back to that place. Some days you worry about having to possibly be in that place again. Not a year goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars for all the days I have been given to be here living each and every moment that I can share with my children and everyone else I love.

I made it a goal to ride the Pan Mass Challenge when I hit my 5 year survival mark in 2006. It's hard to believe that in a few days I will ride 160 miles from Wellesley to Ptown in my 8th Pan Mass Challenge. Every year brings with it new meaning.

Training has been brutal this year. Rainy days that made it hard to ride. Hotter than Hell days that left me feeling nauseous. Weekend nights of having to pass up the cocktails and set the alarm to get up and ride. Guests that had to be left to fend for themselves. A family party that had to be missed. Some days I wonder, why am I doing this? Maybe it's time to retire.

And then I remember…Bridget, my dear friend who we lost to breast cancer a few months ago. She did not make it to her 30th birthday which she would have celebrated last week…I think about Brooke's children and wonder how they are dealing with life without their mom…I think about my special friend Erica, who I connect with each and every time she goes in for chemo to fight LMS, a very rare sarcoma… And then, I think about little Evan…it's very hard for me to think about Evan, my BFFs beautiful, little 6-year old who is getting ready for a bone marrow transplant and will have to take one of the very same chemo drugs that I did to rid his body of all the bad cells leading up to his transplant. I can not even fathom that.

So, I know this will be a difficult ride for me. My heart is heavy. What I also know is that the unyielding supporters along the roads will help carry me through. I will look for the same people holding signs that say, Thank you riders, I'm here because of you and I will cry because I know that means they are still here. Other riders will encourage me and celebrate my living proof buttons I wear proudly on my bike. My team will be right by my side giving me a pull when I need it. It will be overwhelming when I meet all of my survivor friends at the flagpole for the Living Proof photo. The PMC family will surround me and get me to the finish line.

As always, I am asking you to be a part of my ride and my commitment to Dana Farber, where I am indebted for my life. 100% of every dollar we raise goes directly to Dana Farber - 90% of our Team Carie's Crew donations going to The Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer, with the remaining 10% going to areas that need it most. Although I have proudly aged out of that younger population, my passion continues as we are currently working to develop new programs for these younger women who are faced with unique issues as I was when I was a young mother diagnosed with breast cancer.

Knowing we are all asked to support so many causes, I ask you to please consider any donation amount. Every dollar matters. My personal goal is $10,000.

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or if you prefer, send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481by October 1st.

With continued love and thanks,

carie



2012

As I set out to ride my 7th PanMass Challenge I am once again struck by the magic. The magic in the air as 5000+ of us leave our children, responsibilities and “to do” lists at home…gather our bikes, gear, and inner most strength to embark on what will be another life changing weekend. A weekend in which we will ride through heat and humidity, share stories of what inspires us and watch the faces of people holding up signs thanking us for literally saving their lives. I am proud and honored to be a part of the single most successful athletic fundraising event in the world!

As you well know, this is very personal for me. It is a reminder for how very lucky I am…11 years later…to still be here. That is what I will think about during the 160 miles from Wellesley to Ptown. I will think about all the things I was able to do this year…all the moments with my children…the vacations…the special times with friends…all the people who have touched my life or whose life I have touched…All because I am one of the lucky ones.

This year I will ride in honor of my friend Brooke who sadly lost her young life to colon cancer. This touched me deeply. She brought our community together and taught us all how to be strong and dignified. I know I can’t bring her back, but I will take her and her family with me on my pilgrimage and hope it brings them more strength. I will also keep Bridget close as she is the most inspiring pillar of strength that I know, living with metastatic breast cancer for 7 years, after being diagnosed at age 21. There are no words to describe her grace, spirit and passion. Erica will be in my heart as she faces a newly diagnosed cancer, I will power up as much positive energy as I can to send her way.

And, I ride for myself. I honor my breast cancer, the chemo, the radiation, the years of tamoxifen, the growing survivorship issues, the fears of recurrence, and all my breast friends that are along with me on this journey. It is a lifelong journey.

I am so very grateful to my team, Carie’s Crew, comprised of 13 (with 2 additional on the DL) who have chosen to be a part of my team, my life and my determination to help Dana Farber do what it does best, keep moving the bar forward in the quest to rid this world of cancer. More specifically, The Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer that I am passionately behind. All of our team donations go directly there. I made the conscious decision to make my cancer an active part of my life…to carry the torch for helping young women facing breast cancer. My work is not done.
So, I ride on! I will ride to celebrate the gift of my life and I will ride with thoughts of all those touched by cancer. The PMC family will help get me through the fears and worries and remind me of the difference we are all making.

Again I want you to WANT to be a part of my ride… I KNOW that if you can you will donate. Every dollar matters and every single dollar we raise goes directly to Dana Farber. It’s unprecedented. Together with our own personal donation, we are hoping to surpass the $100K Carie’s Crew raised last year.
You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or you can send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481


Together we can continue to touch a lot of lives.

carie

2011

Ten years and I’m still here. It’s been a decade since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A decade. That is a long time to contemplate.
I’ve found myself reflecting a LOT…on all the moments I’ve had…how I’ve been able to watch my children enter teenage years…on all the amazing people that have touched my life…on the beloved friends and family members of mine and yours who have died in that time period… about how GD lucky I am to be here. Really. Sometimes it’s too overwhelming to think about.

Once again I am preparing to ride 160 miles in the PanMass Challenge. Again I’ve waited until the last minute to write my fundraising letter maybe because I am a master procrastinator, OR as I’ve just now realized, maybe it’s important to me to get the “feeling” of the PMC across to all of you. The closer it is to ride time, the more PMC energy is in the air. I want you to WANT to be a part of my ride…my life and my determination to help Dana Farber do what it does best keep moving the bar forward in the quest to rid this world of cancer.

As our training rides come to an end, the roads on the cape are filled with pmc’ers. Hands wave, nods are given, all the old pmc apparel is being worn like badges of honor. We all know we are in this together. Strangers share their stories about what or who has inspired them to ride.

One woman in particular stopped me this past weekend. Turns out she just completed radiation for breast cancer. While too exhausted from treatment to do it this year, she hopes ride PMC in 2012. She will be standing on a corner in Brewster with a sign that says, “Dana Farber patient thanks you.” I will be looking for her. Another woman stopped her car as we were trying to cross a busy intersection, honked her horn and yelled “you are beautiful people, all of you” as she held traffic so we could cross. It made me cry. This, people, is what the PMC is…I’ve said it before and I will say it again. It is the ultimate family…a true humanitarian effort that in my mind proves why I am still here.

Did I mention Lance Armstrong is riding the PMC this year? Pretty cool. The best part is, like the rest of us, he too will be raising money for Dana Farber. No special treatment. In the PMC world we are all equally doing our part. I can’t lie. Training has been hard for me this year emotionally more than physically. I’ve shed many tears along the roads. I’ve been obsessing a lot about cancer. I am surrounded by it. One of my best breast friends is faced with another breast cancer 6 months shy of her 10-year anniversary… Another girlfriend’s fathers cancer has come back…another breast friend hesitated to tell me her own cancer has come back to her bones this time. A mom of one of my son’s friends just shared she, too is a two-time breast cancer survivor. I could go on.

What started as a year of celebration has now turned into a bit of survivor’s guilt crossed with newfound fear of recurrence. I feel like I am some how dodging a bullet that will eventually hit me. You’d think that by 10 years the worry would pass, but unfortunately, this is life long.
But, guess what? I’M STILL HERE AFTER 10 YEARS!!! And I plan to be here for 10 more and 10 after that…my friends need me to be strong and keep fighting for more money to be put into cancer research. Ten years ago I made the conscious decision to make my cancer an active part of my life…to carry the torch for helping young women facing breast cancer. My work is not done.

So, I ride on! I will ride to celebrate the gift of my life and I will ride in honor of my breast friends. The PMC family will help get me through the fears and worries and remind me of the difference we are all making. “Carie’s Crew” has grown to 15 members, we have cool, new jersey’s (purple, of courseJ), and our motto is “Go Big or Stay Home.” We are up to the challenge!

As always, our money raised will go directly to the Young Women’s Program at Dana Farber. I KNOW that if you can you will donate. Every dollar matters! Together with our own personal donation, we hope this to be a record year for Carie’s Crew.

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or you can send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481


If you want to hear my whole story, here is the link to my remarks at opening ceremonies of last year’s PMC… http://www2.pmc.org/articles.asp?ArticleID=1552 (10 min in to the Exclusive Show)

Together we can touch a lot of lives.

carie

2010

Dear Family and Friends,

It’s that time of year. I am once again preparing to ride The Pan Mass Challenge. This will be my fifth year riding. Every year brings with it new excitement, new inspiration, new stories of loved ones dealing with cancer…and at the same time, the old reminder of how lucky I am to be alive.
When it came time to register to ride this year I hesitated. Maybe it’s just too much…my back’s been really hurting….let’s face it who wants to keep asking people for money? Dealing with the logistics of PMC weekend is a stressor who is going to watch the kids, and drive our cars on and off the cape? Training takes up a LOT of time. But then I remembered…. I am lucky to have time…in one minute’s time my life could be uprooted and thrown back into the world of cancer. I’ve been given the gift of time.

It’s been 9 years since my diagnosis of breast cancer. It seems like a long time. I’ve been here to see my children grow from toddlers to almost teenagers. I’m starting to think about what I’m going to do to celebrate my 10th year of survival. I want to be very careful not to jinx myself though. That’s the trouble with cancer it’s always in the back of your mind somewhere no matter how many years go by. This time of year always makes me remember…the “call”…the surgeries…the poison being infused into my body…losing my hair… the sleepless nights…the fears…It’s all part of my cancer journey that has now translated into my deep- rooted commitment to helping others who are thrown on a similar cancer path without any forewarning.

I am equally committed and indebted to the incredible doctors at Dana Farber, who took care of me. So much so in fact that I have become somewhat of a DFCI poster child this year. I was asked to appear in a TV ad (http://www.dana-farber.org/media/flash/every-day/,) and am on the cover of the current issue of the Women’s Cancer magazine called Turning Point (http://www.dana-farber.org/abo/news/publications/turning-point/2010/default.html.) I am sure people are sick of listening to and looking at me!

So, again,I will set out to take on the challenge of riding over 160 miles from Wellesley to Ptown. Again I will ride alongside 5000 other riders who all have their own story. I will ride next to my own doctors who take time out of their insanely busy lives to ride and raise money themselves for Dana Farber. I will cry as I pass the signs held by people thanking us for riding. My heart will ache as I see the pictures of the Jimmy Fund kids who are fighting the disease now. Again I will be inspired by the people who have overcome cancer and feel deep sadness for those that have lost their lives to it. Again I will reflect on what I have been through and honor that memory.

This year is different, however. I have an added responsibility. I have been given the great honor of speaking at opening ceremonies and sharing my story. I must admit, I am very nervous, but I know this will only add to my PMC experience. To be standing in front of thousands of riders who will together take on this challenge will be overwhelming, yet at the same time very rewarding, I am sure. I believe in the PMC and it’s ability to change the world of cancer. The PMC has raised nearly $300 million over its 30-year history, growing into the most important fundraising resource for Dana Farber and the single largest athletic fundraising event in the country. Dollar for dollar every donation made goes directly to Dana Farber. This is unprecedented.
So, again I ask you to please support me and my team. Come along on the ride with us…give whatever you can. Whether its $10, $100 or $1000, every single dollar matters. As always, our donations will go specifically to the Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer that Rob and I helped start and I am so passionate about. I’m very excited to report that recently, the Program received a national grant to roll out the pioneering work that’s being done to research and meet the clinical needs of young women with breast cancer at Dana Farber to other community hospitals so all young women will benefit from better clinical care and treatment. We are making a difference!

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or you can send a check made out to PMC and mail it to my home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481.
JUST DO IT!

With heartfelt thanks,
carie

2009...

Dear Family and Friends,
In just a few days, I will once again ride 160 miles from Wellesley to Provincetown in The Pan Mass Challenge. This will be my fourth time riding. Every year brings with it new excitement, new inspiration, new stories of loved ones dealing with cancer…and at the same time, the old reminder of how lucky I am to be alive.

The excitement this year has been building on the Cape. PMC is in the air. Signs are up telling people to be prepared to “share the roads” with the thousands of riders coming through this weekend….riders are busy getting the last training rides in and bikes tuned up…it’s hard to go anywhere without running into someone who is either riding or volunteering. It feels like a very large family with everyone chipping in to do their part. The bar is set high…to raise $30 MILLION dollars for Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

I, myself, hit a milestone this year. I was alive to see my son reach the first steppingstone of his education the completion of elementary school. This is something I have quietly been negotiating with “the big guy upstairs” every time I have an ache or a pain that I subconsciously think may be my cancer returning. Now, I am asking to be around for another 9 years so I can get them both through High School. I hope that’s not being greedy.

Another big event happened in our family this year. My sister, Paige, had her first child. This is the same sister who stopped her life to move in with our family eight years ago when I was diagnosed with breast cancer to help take care of MY children while I underwent treatment. I know that Paige has a new understanding of my fear of what it would be like for a child to grow up without a mother. She knows even more about this because her husband had to do just that. He DID lose his mother to breast cancer when he was just sixteen. She was not as lucky as I was. The treatments weren’t as good then. This ride is very personal for our family.

This is a tough year to be raising money for anything. The economy is bad, people are out of jobs, every one is cutting back. But…we MUST keep moving forward. We MUST work together to get money to these doctors who are improving both the length and quality of lives. We MUST help others who are faced with what I was faced with. Because…CANCER DOESN’T CARE…it doesn’t care what the economy is doing, it doesn’t care if it’s not a convenient time, it doesn’t care if doctors don’t have the funds to continue doing research and uncovering ways to stop it in it’s tracks….so, we MUST remain strong, pull together and continue fighting. We MUST persevere.

As you know, I am deeply indebted and committed to the doctors at Dana Farber, some of whom will be riding alongside me. I would do anything to help them have the resources to do their jobs better. I want everyone else to be as lucky as I was to receive my care there and to be here 8 years later, living a healthy life.

I believe in the PMC and it’s ability to change the world of cancer. I am proud to tell you our team, Carie’s Crew, raised over $200,000 over the past 4 years. This is only a small part of the incredible $230 million that has been raised since the first PMC ride 30 years ago. I am equally proud to tell you that dollar for dollar every donation made goes directly to Dana Farber. This is unprecedented.

So, again I ask you to please support me and my team. This year, Rob, Paige, Jesse, Jon and I are joined by 3 additional friends Chris Ben and Jeremy. Between us, we have moved MOUNTAINS to be able to do this ride. We have gotten up at the crack of dawn and given up weekend time with our families to go on training rides…called on family members and babysitters to drive our cars and watch our children…we have essentially stopped our lives for the 2 days we will be riding.

Please come along on the ride with us…give whatever you can. Whether its $10, $100 or $1000, every single dollar matters. It will all be directed towards the Program for Young Women with Breast Cancer which Rob and I help start several years ago, that today continues to provide top quality care, treatment and support to younger women dealing with breast cancer.

You can donate online on my profile page at http://www2.pmc.org/profile/CC0185 or you can send a check made out to PMC and mail it to MY home address, 35 Bradford Road, Wellesley, MA 02481. Donations can be received until Oct 1st!

JUST DO IT!

With heartfelt thanks,

carie